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#31 – Virtual Hugs

So, it’s been a minute… My last update was back in April and I was 7 weeks clear from cancer. Now I’m just over 7 MONTHS clear! It’s a great feeling! I thought I’d share with you what the two most common questions I’ve had these past few months have been;

“You’re not in stage 4 lockdown in Rye are you?”

“So you’re finished with chemo now that you’re in remission?”

Firstly, yes, unfortunately we are still classified as metro Melbourne down here so we are in stage 4 restrictions too. It’s disappointing, but there’s nothing we can do about it so won’t complain too much – just wish we knew someone in our area to catch up with! But we have both the ocean and bay beaches within our 5km zone so it’s not all bad.

The answer to the second question is “I WISH”! It seems to be a common misconception that clear scans equal the end of chemo. Unfortunately, this is not the case for me. Since I was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, it’s important to continue chemo for quite a long time – my oncologists say forever, but I’d prefer to be hopeful it’s not quite that long. I also don’t like to use the word remission as that generally sounds like I’m all done with everything cancer related, and it’s the total opposite actually. Having clear scans has not changed my treatment at all, but it does mean I can have some short breaks if I want. I’ve been waiting all year to have a break and kept saying “when lockdown ends I’ll have a little break”. Well, lockdown just keeps on going… So this past week has been a mini break for me. I got to the point where I was so over chemo and wanted to feel normal for a bit longer. So having a fortnight off has been great, I just wish that the weather was a bit nicer so I could have spent more time at the beach enjoying my break!

Needless to say, I’m not looking forward to going back to Peter Mac tomorrow for chemo #39. To say I’m ‘over it’ is an understatement. A few rounds ago I was waiting for over two hours before going in to get chemo. And it just hit me. I ended up crying in the chemo chair because I was so done with it all. I know chemo has kept me alive so I love it for that, but on the other hand, it’s just not fair. And to know I don’t physically have cancer anymore it actually makes it harder to go to chemo every fortnight for treatment. It’s like our lives are on hold while I have treatment. Add covid into the mix and it’s even tougher to deal with…

In my last blog I mentioned that we were going to look into surrogacy to be able to start our family… We are still hopeful of doing this! My oncologist has let me know that early next year we will look into the possibility of having a treatment break so that I can do the egg retrieval process. This is the number one thing I need to do to be able to start the surrogacy process. Number two is finding a beautiful soul to help us with this journey 💕 The one good thing to come from covid is that I’ve had plenty of time to research the surrogacy world! I’ve posted a few things about it on my social media accounts recently and have been overwhelmed with the support from our family and friends. So I want to say thank you to anyone who has messaged, commented or put me in touch with people they know who have gone through the surrogacy process before, it is truly appreciated. We look forward to starting this new and exciting journey as soon as we can! In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy receiving baby pics from my best friend who just had her first baby last week! Congratulations Kristy & Sam 👶

Apart from hating chemo, dealing with harsh lockdowns and researching surrogacy, I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I gave myself a goal at the start of the year to read a book every month and I’ve achieved that and more! I’m about to start reading a book about surrogacy in Australia, so really looking forward to getting even more information 😍 If anyone is interested, this is where we started – https://sarahjefford.com/

I also finally started writing my own book! I did an online writing course a few months ago which I really enjoyed, but it took me a while to get into the headspace to want to write my story. And I got on a roll until I got to the day of my diagnosis… My mind isn’t ready to re-live that day in such detail just yet, so I’ll leave it for now and hopefully continue soon when I’m ready…

I’ve also been absolutely loving learning how to draw and be more creative! For anyone that follows me on social media, you will know that I’ve been doing different drawings nearly every week with Chloe’s virtual guidance! They have been very calming and therapeutic for me. And always help improve my mood when I’m doing them. As someone who never thought she could draw, I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job 🤩

I think that’s about all I’ve got to update everyone on at the moment. If you’re not in lockdown – hug your friends and family tighter. Don’t take seeing them for granted and remember to check in on your Melbourne friends. It’s been a rough year… And that’s coming from someone who had an extremely rough 2019. Sending virtual hugs to all my family and friends 💗